The Moment That Changes Everything

This is one of my favorite topics and I will probably go on a tangent in some sections but it’s just so important to me. Do you know about the moment that changes everything for many successful people?

It’s when they realize they are 100% responsible for the life live, including the business they build and live. And, then, of course, actually taking 100% responsibility for their success.

Yes, you read this right. We are all 100% responsible for our lives. Full stop.

So, since it’s such an impactful moment and because I truly believe we are all meant to live abundant lives, I thought it was a great first article in the Visionary Leadership category.

The Moments That Changed Everything for Me

I personally had two moments that literally changed my life. There’s a bit of spoiler alert ahead, so if you haven’t read “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey, stop reading this, get the book, and read up to and including the first habit. Then, come back and read on.

The Book EVEYRONE MUST READ

In my humble opinion, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” is a book that should be mandatory reading for EVERYONE. There’s now a version for teenagers, so it can easily be studied and implemented in high schools.

Why am I saying this?

Because this book changed my life. I thought I read it in my late teens, but it seems it was in my early twenties.

I was born on a Monday at the beginning of July. If you care about this stuff, you already know that it means I was born on the day of the Moon and in the month of the Moon. So, naturally, I’m pretty emotional, introverted, and shy.

I used to go to my room and cry for so many things, including one time when I helped my mom with the dishes after dinner (we didn’t have a dishwasher; my parents still don’t have a dishwasher). My dad went to the living room after dinner and my brother went to his room. I stayed and washed the dishes without my mom asking me to help. And I felt good about it. Until my mom scolded me for not wiping the water around the sink after I was done. So, there I was, the only one who bothered to help, and instead of getting a “thank you,” I was scolded. So, naturally, my automatic reaction was to go to my room and cry.

How “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” Changed Me

SPOILER ALERT!

There are two parts from the beginning of the book that stuck with me. In a way they work together.

The first was the story of how Stephen was in the subway and a dad with three kids (if I remember correctly) got on. The dad sat and put his head in his hands. The kids started misbehaving and bothering people. Finally, Stephen nudged the dad and asked him to control the kids. His response? “Sorry. We just left the hospital where their mom passed away. None of us knows how to act right now and process this.” Or something along these lines.

Lesson 1: Don’t be quick to judge people. You never know what’s going on with them.

The second was the idea in Habit 1. The idea that unlike animals we have a superpower. That between stimulus and reaction we have a choice. We can decide how to respond instead of react. That’s why we are responsible or like Stephen Covey puts it, response-able. We are able to decide consciously what to do or not do.

Lesson 2: We always have a choice because we are response-able.

Which makes sense. I don’t know about you, but I remember how when we were kids we were always told to count to 20 before we react. Common sense that’s not so common anymore.

Anyway.

After reading the book and having the epiphany of “Wow, I have a choice!” Things changed for me.

Yes, my mom was still scolding me for things but now I knew better. I knew she was tired after a day at work where she was stressed. Then, at home, like in many typical eastern families, she had all the responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. So, when she scolded me, it was not that much about my own value and actions. It was more of a reflection of her stress level. And I had a choice. I could react automatically and cry in my room feeling bad about me, or I could take the feedback and do better next time. I started choosing the latter.

From that moment on, I rarely took anything personally. And I started choosing my actions, reactions, and non-actions.

And speaking of choices…

The 7 Levels of Energy Framework

OK. I know. 7 habits. 7 levels. What’s going on?

Well, it’s not on purpose. These are the two frameworks that truly changed how I show up in the world.

So, the 7 Levels of Energy is a framework created by Bruce D. Schneider and taught at iPEC, the coaching school he founded and I attended back in 2019/20.

In a way, the 7 Levels of Energy represent 7 mindsets. I like this description:

• Level 1: “I always lose.” (a.k.a. Victim Mentality)

• Level 2: “I win, you lose.” (a.k.a. Blame Culture)

• Level 3: "I win, if you win too, that’s great but it’s not my problem.”

• Level 4: “You win.”

• Level 5: “I win only if you win too.”

• Level 6: “We all win.”Level 7: “There’s no winning or losing. Life is a game to be played.”

The moment we started learning about the 7 levels, I realized that Habit 1 in “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” was Level 3. And I had plenty of this mindset.

What this new framework helped me do was see that in any situation we actually have at least 7 choices of how we want to show up. Yes, I can still be emotional, introverted, and shy. Yet, I also had the power to choose how to act.

It also helped me realize that the ingrained reaction I have to default to crying (Level 1), could be changed. That by expanding my mindset, I can default to a different reaction. One that serves me better.

I can talk about the 7 Levels of Energy all day long. It’s truly lifechanging. So, in addition to reading “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, I’d also recommend gifting yourself the gift of the ELI Assessment which can show you your default mindset and help you see what would be different if you look at situations from another perspective.

Again, life-changing moments for me. And I know many successful people out there contribute their success to a moment when they had an epiphany that it was all up to them. That they were 100% responsible for their life.

The Cycle of Creation

By this point, you might be wondering why this matters so much. Why being 100% responsible is so key?

Well, enter the cycle of creation.

It all starts with our mindset, beliefs, & expectations. They are at the core of everything and they determine our thoughts & feelings. From there, our thoughts & feelings shape our actions, reactions, and, very importantly, our inactions. Naturally, these shape our results. And our results do something very interesting. They reinforce our mindset, beliefs, and expectations due to things such as confirmation bias.

When this circle creates the business and life results we want, it is an amazing, virtuous cycle. However, more often than not, it’s a vicious cycle that moves us further away from the success we dream of.

Taking 100% Responsibility

When it comes to taking 100% responsibility for your business and life success, there are actually three levels of intervention.

The first level or point of intervention is between your thoughts and actions. It’s the surface level and the quickest one that can be implemented. However, it also means that the improvement in the results is only incremental, not transformational.

The second point of intervention is between your mindset and thoughts. You still hold the same beliefs but in the moment you change your thoughts and feelings. This goes a bit deeper because you step into the situation with different energy. From there your actions are more powerful and the improvement in the results is more noticeable.

The third level of intervention is the most powerful one and the hardest to achieve. It’s all about changing your mindset, beliefs, and expectations. From there everything flows naturally. Your thoughts, actions, and results all align and create exponential progress.

Cold Calling, Anyone?

Let me give you an example. Let’s say you are in a B2B business and you keep on reading or hearing about cold calling. You’re not a fan of it. You hold the belief that it’s unprofessional and alienating. So, naturally, you feel a lot of resistance and fear around it and maybe you’re thinking that it’s pointless and that you don’t want to do it. But you pick up the phone reluctantly from time to time (maybe once a quarter when you are trying to increase sales) and get nowhere with it.

When you apply the first level of intervention, you still have the belief that cold calling is unprofessional and alienating. You still feel a lot of resistance and fear and think it’s pointless. What changes is that despite all of these, you pick up the phone regularly, instead of occasionally. Maybe you turn it into a daily practice where you call 20 people a day. The next thing that happens is not life-changing but you start seeing some results. Maybe each month you get one person to pick up the phone and express some level of interest. Maybe you get one new client a quarter from this effort. Again, not life changing, but still progress.

Now, imagine you apply the second level of intervention. You still belief that cold calling is unprofessional and alienating, which means that your natural reaction is you think it’s pointless and you feel resistance or fear. However, as you take a few moments to pause, you tell yourself that many companies out there need your product or service. Maybe you think of a recent client win and the glaring review you got. So, now, you are thinking of how needed your offer is and you feel more confident. You can still end up calling 20 people a day or maybe you feel more comfortable and call 40. But the thing is that the results get better. Instead of getting one interested person out of 400, now you get one out of 200. And instead of one client per quarter maybe you now get one per month.

Of course, once you apply the third level of intervention by spending the time and energy to see cold calling from a new perspective with a mindset that this is a service to your prospects. That while majority of people might still not pick up, there are a significant number of prospects who need your call. That with the right process cold calling is very professional and builds long-lasting relationships even if prospects are not in a buying position right now. That…you see the point, I hope. Once you change your mindset, beliefs, and expectations, you will stop feeling fear and resistance. You will feel comfortable and confident. Maybe you will start looking forward to your calling sessions. And you will start seeing those holy grail results where 5 out of 100 are actually interested. And maybe you get a client a week.

The Biggest Enemies of Success

Before I wrap this up ( I know it’s loooooong), I want to point out two very dangerous things. I call them the enemies of success and one of the biggest problems is that every single thing out there promotes them. Politicians tell you they are your saviors and that you need them to stand up to the so-called big guy, so you can have a better life. News channels and outlets report how it’s such and such fault that the country is nose-diving. And don’t get me started on social media. So, for your awareness, and to help you finally take 100% responsibility, here we are. The two pandemics destroying your chances of building a successful business and a fulfilling life.

Victim Mentality

I don’t want this to be a rant but maybe it needs to be a rant. Playing the victim is not how successful people get successful. Think of so many high-achievers out there. Oprah Winfrey was molested as a child and early in her career she was demoted from a co-anchor position. What do you think her life would have been like if she played the victim?

Darren Hardy’s mom left when he was 18 months and he was raised by his dad and a stepmom. Where do you think he would have been if he had decided to see himself as an unworthy, abandoned kid?

The list goes on and on.

Yes, we all experience pain throughout life. It’s part of living life. And yes, sometimes it’s really really really hard. Even devastating.

Yet, no one succeeds from this mentality. It’s actually a mindset that borders depression.

And right now we’ve gone to an extreme where so many people play the victim. And this is being rewarded and encouraged.

Again. NO ONE SUCCEEDS BY PLAYING A VICTIM.

This is Level 1 in the 7 Levels of Energy framework I mentioned earlier. The main thought here is that I’m a victim and it’s accompanied by a feeling of apathy. And the natural result of this all is lethargy. Lethargy, not success and living life to the fullest.

One more time. Repeat after me. NO ONE SUCCEEDS BY PLAYING A VICTIM.

Blame Culture

It’s the government’s fault. No, wait. It’s the global economy. Or maybe AI. Or customers are more skeptical these days. Or the competition. Or the weather. Or if none of these apply, it’s Trump. Blame it on him and his actions.

Don’t get me wrong. There are things out of our control. And there are things that impact us and our businesses.

Yet, blame culture is another issue keeping so many people stuck. It’s so easy to blame everyone and everything else when things go wrong. This is actually one of the bugs in our operating system (i.e. how our minds work). We tend to overestimate our impact when we succeed and underestimate it when we fail. In other words, if I win, it’s thanks to me, if I lose, it’s because of everyone and everything else.

This thinking corresponds with Level 2 from the 7 Levels of Energy framework. This is where we see the world through a lens of conflict and we feel a lot of anger. As a result we end up with defiant actions.

Now, while this is a more powerful energy, it makes success possible only if harnessed properly. How do you do this? You use it to finally draw the line and take 100% responsibility for your life and business.

Blame and anger can be great catalysts in the short term. But they are destructive in the long term.

NO ONE SUCCEEDS BY PLAYING THE BLAME GAME EITHER!

Think about it. Both Oprah and Darren could have easily chosen this path as well. Blame the parents (this is another good one) and stew in the anger and frustration. But where do you think they would have ended up by playing the blame game? Yes, not where they are today.

Repeat after me: NO ONE SUCCEEDS BY PLAYING THE BLAME GAME EITHER!

Draw a Line in The Sand

One of my favorite songs by Michael Jackson is “Man in the mirror.” If you haven’t heard it before, you can listen to it here. Check it out even if you know it. It’s a very powerful message.

And one of my favorite quotes from Albert Einstein is that we can’t solve the problems of today with the same level of thinking that created them.

So, starting with the sage advice from Einstein, if you are either playing the victim or blame game, it’s time to step up. Because these mindsets are creating your current reality and taking you down a vicious cycle.

And what better way to do this than following Michael’s advice and starting with the man or woman in the mirror. Tell him/her to change his/her ways.

In other words, step into Level 3 and take 100% responsibility for your business and life. You already know that you can make this change in three places:

1. By doing what needs to be done even when you feel angry or afraid (changing your actions)

2. By taking a moment to process your initial reaction and change it with more empowering thoughts and feelings (changing your thoughts and emotions)

3. By introspection & retrospection and expanding your world view (changing your mindset)

Jores keeps saying how you can have a million excuses not to do something but you only need one reason to do it.

Everything in life is a choice. If you want to become a visionary leader and build a visionary business, you need to step out of victim mentality and blame culture and take 100% responsibility for your life and business. This is the first step towards elevating your results and creating that virtuous cycle of success and fulfillment.

Heck, if you want to live a relatively decent live, taking 100% responsibility is a necessary step.

My Commitment

I have been building my coaching & consulting business full time in the past 18 months. And I’m not where I wanted to be. But recently I had a realization that I had been taking it too passively. Just going with the flow.

So, I’m actually personally drawing a line in the sand. I can and will make this business a success. I’m taking 100% responsibility for it.

I actually have two main goals this year. One is for the business and the other is about my weight. And I’m so happy and proud of the progress I’ve made on the health goal. I was over 210 lbs back in June this year and as of writing this article I’m 191 lbs! It’s almost 20 pounds in 3 months through running, weight-lifting with BODi, and being mindful of my eating & drinking habits.

Now, I’m starting to apply the same level of commitment, dedication, and consistency for my business. Because I’m 100% responsible for the success in my life. In any area of my life.

Will you join me and draw your own line? Will you take 100% responsibility for your business success and life fulfillment?